I start chemotherapy today. So here's all the questions running through my brain in the middle of the night.

It's 3:44 in the morning, I can't get back to sleep. So many things racing in and through my mind.

I start Chemotherapy today. 

Two months ago I would have never believed this was where I'd be today or that this was how I'd be spending my summer.

Two months ago I was a happy, healthy 35 year old, focused I prioritizing my goals, my self and my family.

But not because I had to, in order to have the best possible outcome for my cancer treatment.

And I certainly was up in the middle of the night reading into Canada's decision not to recommend funding for pertuzumab. I drug which up until a few hours ago I thought I'd be receiving tomorrow as part of my treatment. But now looks like it may be an out of pocket expensive that could run mightily close to $100 000 grand.

And how much would the addition or absence of this drug make a difference to my outcomes (I mean Canada decided not much, or not enough to be worth the funding)?

And what hail Marys would perhaps some external funding organizations combined with hopefully some good soul at our insurance company, would be pulled off on my behalf?

And why shouldn't I just be sleeping right now, rather than reliving my gradschool days combing though pubmed?

And don't I need to be well rested for my still very long day of TCH chemo tomorrow?

And am I a little hungry? Maybe dinner was too early tonight?

And where did I put my yeti full of water? I'm supposed to be hydrating.

Anyways, I dyed my hair blue, because it's all going to fall out anyways.

I'll write again after chemo...and maybe YouTube.

Speaking of which, today I tell my social media people's about my cancer. I'll link that video here when it goes live.

Off to maybe eat, maybe get some knitting packed and maybe sleep a little bit more.